Marble Palace - Humor - The Shocking Price of Cheese

The Shocking Price of Cheese

As requested by Kaize

The price of cheese per square inch is high - too high. We, the cheese munchers of Marble Palace demand the cost be rectified - and whats more, reduced.

I present to you a number of possible solutions:

Cheese Strike

Cheese is made from milk. Milk is made from cow. If we stop making cow, pretty soon cheese stocks will dry up and what we're left with is a perfect bargaining chip - not to mention six tonnes of surplus cud. The parrots must listen.

Temporarily this will mean no cheese, however the ends justify the means and there are a number of short term relief tactics the lactose addict may employ:

Using sugar in tea instead of cheese lumps
Don’t surround yourself with dairy propaganda, don’t buy edited books that mention the moon landing by depicting a man dressed in a toilet roll, producing a flag (From WHERE?! From really convenient pockets? He's wearing combats! Americanos.) and announcing "one small step for man, one giant blow to the cheese industry" (Get it? Moon made of cheese…? I actually saw a book with that on the cover, so if you think its funny buy Horrible Histories…)
DO NOT therefore consume wotsits or quavers, they may only be flavoured like cheese but THEY'RE SHAPED THAT WAY FOR A REASON! Atma, explain! Atma? He's not finally quit IRC has he…? Those patches must really be working.
Remember no cow means no pie, no milk, no pie-and-milk…

NO PIE-AND-MILK?! We need an option 2.

2. Lucozade

Oh, fell the rush as it fizzes up your nose in giddy spurts! Yes! More!

Remember, Lucozade is also expensive, but more orange than most cheeses giving it a 'cheese energy' derived from the function E_c=E_w*1/2mgh² where E_w is the work done, or distance travelled by orange light, m is the mass of the bottle plus bottles contents and g is the gravity taken usually as earth-normal 9.8 Newtons or Cornish-normal of 1 Newton allowing the unfit druggies, who wear the labels of sprinters but cannot even manage a jaunt, to actually move.

But Darth, how much cheese energy is there in each bit of wood that a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

I don't know, I'd have to look that up!

3. Broadcasting industry

I urge you brother mice, do not resort to seeing how much cheese you can smuggle from Poland without being caught. So obsessed, so over-confident will you become, today's mission, yesterdays challenge, tomorrows determination will finally betray you one of these days: To cram as much cheese onto your person as possible.

Don’t do it.

You'll just look silly come the cavity search, the police, the inevitable reporters…

I mean think about it.

…The aunts you haven't seen for sixteen years, the public investigation, the curious school chums…

There's just no comeback.

So don’t do that! There is far more cheese in twenty minutes of neighbours than 10 stone of person! Don’t argue. I mean for goodness sake its REPEATED TWICE A DAY. Get a grip.

In conclusion I believe if the Pokémon community acts as a unit following these plans to the letter, we will see a drop in both share price and retail price of cheese per square inch.